Yes folks, technology and kosher deli have finally met, and the result is the vending machine dispensed knish. My friend Amy Rosen sent me this little ditty from the New York Times today about a new kosher vending machine that dispenses hot food.
“Earlier this month, the nation’s first glatt kosher vending machine that can shoot out a hot knish was installed at Hackensack University Medical Center in New Jersey. The machine also crisps up kosher mozzarella sticks, cheese pizza and onion rings. And in a few weeks, freshly grilled hot dogs in warm buns will be for sale there, too. Not from the same machine, of course. That wouldn’t be kosher.”
Thanks to the good folks at Kosher Vending Industries, you will also soon be able to purchase a steaming hot frankfurter from a hole in a plastic machine. Sexual innuendos notwithstanding, this is the greatest invention in fast kosher food since someone decided to put pickels in barrels on the street. The knish machine is called the Hot Nosh 24/6, which I believe is the Jewish version of ED-209 from Robocop. ED-209 dispenses pain with bullets, while Hot Nosh 24/6 dispenses pain with heartburn.
As technology improves I can only imagine the possibilities; instant kugel, a steaming paper cup of bean and barley soup, kishke on a stick…etc
I’ll still take my knishes and hot dogs the way they are meant to be served: lying on a greasy griddle for hours, stewed in the grease of their departed bretheren. But if I’m in a pinch and need a quick nosh, I’ll take the Hot Nosh 24/6 over a ham sandwich. I do like how it’s the Hot Nosh 24/6 and not 24/7, which means that the machine is truly glatt kosher and doesn’t dispense on shabbos. Baruch Ha’shem.