Richman ain’t pleased with Katz’s

As the biggest, oldest, and best known deli in New York, America, and the world, Katz’s deli is more than simply a restaurant. It is a status symbol, a legend, an enigma.

It is the deli by which many others judge themselves. I can’t tell you the number of times deli owners says “we’re just as good as Katz’s” or “we’re trying to capture the spirit of Katz’s”. It’s so big, so bright, and so overwhelming to all five senses, that it’s impossible to match.

But does it hold up? Yes, the pastrami is universally acknowledged as excellent, as are the hot dogs, but what about the other stuff on the menu.

GQ food writer, and deli aficionado Alan Richman set out to test this, initially as a tribute to the great deli. The result: To say Richman was less than impressed is an understatement. He was positively outraged. Here’s a look at Richman’s takedown.

Not Good for the Jews (or the Tourists) (from his Forked Blog on GQ.com)

The setup:

…I always ordered the same three items: the grilled knoblewurst, which is a garlicky beef sausage that seems to spend a lifetime on the grill, so tough and hard (and delicious) is the casing. Then, depending on the size of my appetite, next would come either a modest grilled hot dog (natural casing, of course) or a dreadnaught sandwich of hot pastrami (massive, blackened, meltingly soft, and mildly peppery). Everything was just right…

The opening shot:

…I went there four times and got almost a third of the way through my mission before I quit in dismay. I want to give myself credit. I’m not sure another man alive has tried so many of Katz’s offerings, 19 in all. Actually, I’m not sure any man alive has ever eaten so much terrible food. I find it hard to believe the owners have ever eaten what I’ve eaten, or they surely wouldn’t keep serving it. Much of what Katz’s prepares is the worst food for the money in New York. (At $3.10 for a hot dog and $4.50 for cole slaw, it isn’t cheap.)…

The uppercut:

…The stuffed derma, a kind of Jewish culinary oddity that looks like a sausage but is mostly minced vegetables and seasonings, was microwaved and inedible. An Italian woman with me said, “That’s pansy-ass derma. Our Jewish lawyer, Mr. Klein, always took us to the best kosher restaurants, where the derma was moist and fatty and the skin nice and crisp.”…

The knockout:

…I haven’t mentioned one of the sandwiches until now, because it comes with a request for forgiveness. My mother and my sister used to share a corned beef sandwich whenever my father and I coerced them into eating at Katz’s. The corned beef I had in my sandwich was tough, rubbery, salty, and understeamed. I tried again, this time buying some as takeout, and paying an astounding $23.75 a pound. The texture was more pleasant, but the only discernable flavor continued to be salt. Spoiled Jewish sons don’t often do this, but I owe my mother and sister an apology for all those meals at Katz’s we put them through….

If you are waiting for me to rip Richman a new orifice to ingest pastrami through, you’re not going to find it here. He is one of the most adept food critics out there, and the man knows deli very very well. He’s from Philly, lived in Montreal, and has been in New York for years. If you read his entry, you’ll see that no one was more disappointed in the food at Katz’s than he was, because he wants to love the place so dearly. But I will say this: I was there for one of Richman’s tastings, and while I’m not nearly as harsh as he is, I’m also not the adept critic he is. I try not to speak ill of delis, because it does no one any good, but I am certainly not disagreeing with Richman’s assessments of the food he mentions. Not every deli does everything perfectly, and Katz’s is no exception. They are known for pastrami, salami, and hot dogs, and by god that stuff remains great (and Richman acknowledges that). The rest of the stuff? Well, I’ll put it this way, when people ask me where to get a great matzo ball soup or knish, I generally steer them to other places in New York. If they want pastrami, hell…if I want pastrami, then I always end up at Katz’s and always leave happy.

As Richman mentions in the piece:

I have one friend, somewhat of a Katz’s insider, who claimed I was being unfair, because the only food that anybody goes there for is the pastrami. He told me this after I came to the table bearing a chopped liver sandwich—an enormous mound of smooth, bland liver served ungarnished between two slices of bland rye bread, the culinary definition of monotony. Disgusted—at me, not at the restaurant—he said, “We’re the only schmucks in here not eating pastrami.”

That “friend”, who happens to devote a lot of time Saving the Delis (hint!), stands by those words. So many delis try to be everything to everyone (Katz’s serves cheesesteaks, burgers, and breakfasts), despite the fact that they don’t necessarily make more than a few exceptional items. The reason I love the minimalist places like Schwartz’s, which serves basically one or two things, and does those perfectly, is because they don’t pander or cater to everyone. That idea that the customer is always right, and if they want something else, than by god get it for them, is at the heart of so much restaurant mediocrity. But the realities of running a business, especially in New York, mean that sacrifices need to be made. If a less than stellar tuna sandwich or chopped liver is needed to keep the place alive, than sometimes you just have to swallow that bland liver and move on. I wish it weren’t so, but sometimes it is.

I don’t disagree with Richman’s taste assessment. He said what he tasted, and I was there and tasted it with him. But I won’t pass judgment on Katz’s too harshly. It remains the Alpha-Deli in the world, and the pastrami, ambiance, and scent is still the top of the pile. The rest? Let’s just say that going in there and ordering a bagel and lox is the equivalent of going to McDonalds and getting a salad. It’s for schmucks. Go to Katz’s, get the pastrami, and enjoy it. It is the soul of that place, and while nothing can be perfect, the pastrami is pretty damn close.

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